Referring to Yourself in the Third Person
by Shadowfax
Summary: A series of disturbing dreams sends Stefen looking for the one person he believes can explain them: Moondance k'Treva.
1. In which Stef succeeds in finding help

09.09.28. Edit; fixed punctuation that wasn't showing up, though I can only hope the temperamental creature FFN is decides to show the changes I've made...

A series of disturbing dreams sends Stefen looking for the one person he believes can explain them: Moondance k'Treva. A different take on the Stef/'Lendel situation… I hope you'll find this story entertaining, and humorous for the most part, and I hope it's not too confusing- it's in first person, so everything is filtered through Stef's perception.  
I own Valdemar! Yes. I do. They're declaring me queen next week. You are invited to the ceremony. Amnet is my Companion. She's feisty, but I love her.

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**_"Death cannot stop true love! All it can do is delay it for awhile." -- __The Princess Bride  
"Evil returns as evil, but souls mate eternal." -- __X-Files_**

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"Referring to Yourself in the Third Person"  
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-1-  
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I'm not sure what I was thinking, or more likely I wasn't thinking, but when I started out I had no idea how hard it would be to find one man, even in all the wilds of the world. But I had to find him, and it had to be him, if only to prove to _myself_ that I wasn't crazy, much less prove it to anyone else.

When the first dream woke me sweating and screaming in the middle of the night, all I could do was laugh myself silly with relief that a dream was all it was. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that dreams could be indications of other things. And when the dreams kept coming back, and when I found myself completely unable to get though a single night with any more than four hours of real rest, I wasn't the only one who figured I needed help. The problem was, I couldn't think of anyone who _could_ help me. The few people I talked to all thought I was crazy; not that they said anything, but the too polite smile-and-nod routine they gave me said more than any overt words. Medren didn't think I was crazy, but he wasn't much of a help as a confidant considering he was stationed in one of the places that currently I wouldn't go to if my life depended on it, much less my sanity. And even though he tried, he didn't really understand what I was trying to tell him. Of course, _I_ didn't really understand it so I don't know why I thought I could explain it to anyone else, but the fact that I had no real way to explain what I _thought_ was happening without sounding crazy to people who already thought I was two steps from the edge did not help my situation at all. Everyone had been watching me since… well, since Van died, and it only got worse after I got back from Sorrows. Apparently the fact that I _hadn't_ committed suicide made me crazier than if I had actually gone through with it, and it was only a very long time after that that people started trusting me again. Of course, that was about when the dreams started, and then all bets regarding my sanity were suddenly off.

So with all of Haven, hells all of _Valdemar_, convinced I was a breakdown just waiting to happen, it didn't look like I was going to be able to have a serious discussion about my real problem any time soon. And if I didn't talk to _someone_ I really was going to go mad. That was when I first thought of the Hawkbrothers, though the dream I'd had the night before probably had a lot to do with my brain coming up with that useful idea. I was looking for someone who wasn't a part of the Valdemarian gossip circuit, and therefore wasn't harboring any preconceived notions concerning my sanity, and someone who had some experience with… strange things. Why I had remembered them I wasn't sure, but once I did I couldn't seem to forget, and the wink and smile that had been my introduction to Moondance k'Treva kept playing over and over again in my mind.

Just one problem. How by all that was holy was I supposed to find him? The same qualities that made him the ideal person to talk to also meant that I had a better chance of becoming king of the combined countries of Valdemar and Karse _and_ finishing the job Van left me within the next five years than I did of _ever_ seeing Moondance again. The only people I could think of who acknowledged the existence of the fabled _Tayledras_, much less knew where to find them, were dead. I could go back to Sorrows… But I wasn't sure how that would work- if Van could answer my questions, or if he even would. And at the moment he was _not_ at the top of my list of people I wanted to go traipsing halfway around the world to see, actual existence in the living world not being a factor.

Call it fate or what you will, but one day I was wrestling with my problem and attempting to walk and think at the same time, not something I was always particularly successful at, when my meandering feet led me to the middle of nowhere, and as I looked up it suddenly occurred to me that the person I was looking for didn't necessarily have to be a "person."

I stood there, in the middle of the Field, with the Companions giving me looks that seemed to say that privately they rather agreed with their human cohorts as to my mental state, and I realized belatedly that I must look very stupid. But now that the thought I was thinking was indeed in my brain, I had to get it out before my common sense caught up with me and I lost my nerve and just went quietly insane. I cleared my throat.

"I was wondering," I looked up at the circle of blue eyes that had gathered and whose stares were rather unnerving. "My lords and ladies," I started again, "I was wondering if you… could tell me how to find k'Treva Vale. I know Kellen had been there"- great Stef, I smacked myself mentally, bringing up Savil's murdered Companion may not have been the wisest approach, but I plowed on- "and… and 'Fandes too. And I thought that they might have talked about it with one of you. And if you could just point me in the right direction…" I ran my hands through my hair and then hid my face in them. I sounded like an idiot. Now that I thought about it, the idea hadn't been a very good one and the chance of finding Moondance had always been a long shot. I would never find him; I should just go back to my room and go mad in peace.

_:Hold on there,:_ said a voice inside my head. _:No despair yet! Not with such a long journey ahead.:_

If I hadn't already had this experience with Yfandes, I would have thought that the breakdown everyone thought was coming had arrived, and I would have gladly signed myself into the madhouse right then. That voice, cheerfully damning, in the back of my mind sounded too much like how I imagined the patron Saint of the Lost and Condemned sounding for my comfort. "Ah…" I responded intelligently.

A white form separated from the circle around me and came forward. The laughter in those eyes matched the voice I had heard. _:It's alright Stefen.: _Her voice was light and playful and sounded with echoes like bells. _:You can call me Amnet. We've discussed it and decided,:_ she indicated the other Companions in a tone that implied that with her around there was not much that needed discussing, _:that I'll be the one to help you out. I can take you to the _Tayledras_. You haven't had very good directions up to this point, but from now on I'll explain things better. Promise.: _

"My thanks Lady," I replied almost automatically, Bard instinct kicking in. But as I went over what she had said in my mind, I realized something. "Oh, you don't have to come with me! If you could just tell me where to go…" I trailed off; I hadn't really thought this far ahead. It made better sense that she come with me, but a thousand images flashed through my head: having to deal with her Herald and his thoughts concerning my sanity, or lack thereof, or if she didn't have a Herald being accused of stealing the apparently valuable "horse," or dear gods what if she'd actually Chosen _me_?

She laughed softly, the not unkind sound tinkling like bells in the back of my mind. _:I do not have a Herald, for I am too young to Choose. Have no fear Bard. And I really had better go with you. Were you planning on going alone?:_

I really and truly had not thought that far ahead. It was almost more than I could comprehend that I had gotten _this_ far, that the end of my quest was almost able to be glimpsed in the distance. She sensed this, or read it in my mind, and continued. _:I think you will need someone to watch your back. Also, I have some small mage-gifting,:_ she said with false modesty, _:which I think you will find useful, even if you don't know it now. And… I have to go with you. It is something I must do. Please.:_ Her tone turned almost pleading. She seemed intent on inviting herself along on my hopeless little jaunt but reluctant to do so without my approval.

Being a Bard, and a previously rather successful one at that, I always had the right words for any occasion. "Right… um, I mean, of course! You can come." It was really more of a question than a statement, and I still didn't know where we were going exactly, but the inept yet honest bumbling, driven by an almost insane hunger, which had marked the entirety of my searching thus far seemed to strike a chord in her, and she whickered softly and shoved her nose gently against my chest.

_:Oh Stef,:_ she murmured, and I could have sworn that voice was _so_ familiar. _:It's been tough I know. They just dumped the whole mess on you, without any "by your leave," and when none of it's _your_ fault. But it'll be alright now, you'll see.:_ It might have been crazy, but I believed her and a peace I couldn't remember having for a long while settled over me. Amnet's presence, and support of my wild plan, served to soothe my mind like nothing else had. I figured that if a _Companion_ had decided my trip was worth her attention, then it must not be the slim chance of a fool's hope I had thought it was.

-o-

Our departure from Haven was easier than I had thought it would be. In my mind, I'd imagined it to be the most difficult part of the journey, actually finding Moondance being something that still wasn't quite on the list of "possible." But waltzing out the front gate of the palace and down the main road to the city gate with a Companion that wasn't mine proved ridiculously simple. _:Relax:_ Amnet teased, prancing a little. Old thought patterns died hard, and I was absolutely terrified of being caught and branded a horse thief; in that small, frightened corner of my mind, the bright scarlet robes I wore didn't offer any protection, instead they made me a more conspicuous target. And no one rode Companions other than Heralds, so why was _no one_ trying to stop us? The relief of finding someone who could help me seemed to have had a negative effect on my reasoning capabilities.

_:They cannot see us.:_ It took me a minute to recognize Amnet, her voice soothing against the fear and excitement that were tearing through my mind._ :I told you I had some mage-gifting. And the others are shielding us as well. No one will know we have gone until we are halfway to our destination. Now please, calm down! And when you have started to think coherently again, consider what it is you are really afraid of. It is not being caught; you know better.:_

That stopped the sarcastic reply I was forming pretty quick. She was right. I rode in silence for awhile as she carefully picked her way through the crowded street toward the northern gate. What was I scared of? It wasn't that hard to figure out, once I actually _thought_ about it. I was scared that we weren't going to be able to find Moondance; but, worse, I was scared that we _would_ find him. What if when I found him, he ended up telling me I was crazy just like everyone thought I was? But I think I knew that he wouldn't, and that was what _really_ scared me- that I was going to find the answers I was looking for. And I wasn't sure I could handle what that meant.

_:Why not?:_ came Amnet's practical voice, all traces of jesting gone from it.

"Because," I whispered, barely noticing that we were well out of the city by now and there was no one to see me talking to myself. "Because that means the dream is right, and everything I ever thought or felt is a lie."

I received the sensation of someone shuffling her feet. _:Not _all_ dreams are true. And they don't always mean exactly what you think.:  
_

I looked sharply at the back of her head. "What exactly do you know about it?" And several things she had said earlier that I hadn't paid attention to jumped out in my mind.

_:Enough,:_ she replied mildly. _:But you should not doubt what you feel. A lifebond is not something to take lightly, nor is it something that can be faked.:_

My mind was whirling in turmoil, and I wasn't sure I could handle the direction this conversation was taking. I was silent for the rest of the day, attempting to organize the chaos in my head as Amnet trod steadily onward pulling me toward a future I was not entirely sure I was ready for.

-o-

We had taken the Exile's Road out of Haven, and were now on the road north which would lead us past Forst Reach and through most of the country of Qorthes; when we reached the end of that road, the rest of the way led through wilderness. There was an alternative, however; at Forst Reach there was an old Gate to k'Treva Vale. Amnet had not been boasting idly when she suggested her mage power would help me in my journey- she couldn't build a Gate by herself, but she could use an existing framework, and using this one would cut our trip by two thirds of the time it would have taken. Amnet and I had just finished yet another "discussion" as to whether we should stop there or not. Personally I would rather have traveled the additional months than stop in that place. I had lost the argument, however; Amnet had the advantage of being the one who was in charge of the actual traveling, so her vote carried slightly more weight. I was grumbling to myself, not really caring if she could hear me, and tuning my gittern when Amnet's head came up suddenly. _:Well, well. Maybe not even such a journey after all. That preening snow-bird actually listened for once.:_ Looking up I saw a camp at the edge of the road just ahead. The sun was not yet setting, but a small fire already smoldered in the center of the campsite. A man was sitting next to the fire, his long white hair standing out brightly against the dark background of the shadowed trees behind him. A braid at each temple kept the hair out of his face, but most of it fell freely down his back. He was dressed simply, or at least I knew _he_ would consider it simple though he put most of Haven's court to shame just as he was. His eyes were bent on what was lying in his lap, and he was singing something softly; I recognized the song my fingers had been picking over just a few moments ago. He stopped singing suddenly, and I finished the phrase reflexively. He looked up at me and smiled, and I slid down from Amnet's back. The object lying across his lap turned out to be another man, a few years younger than myself if I judged correctly. He rose and came toward me, and his silver eyes froze my blood.

"Welcome," he said, and his voice was low and smooth and not at all familiar.

"Thank you, Brightstar." He smiled; amused, it seemed, that I knew him though we had not ever met formally.

He bowed slightly to Amnet. "If you will follow me lady, I will see to whatever you need." His eyes met mine. "I'm sure you have much to discuss with my father."

I nodded and my eyes drifted back to Moondance as Brightstar led Amnet away. He didn't look at me but watched the fire instead, and that gave me the last bit of courage I needed to manage to drag myself over to the fire and collapse next to it.

Neither of us spoke for awhile. He seemed to be waiting for me to speak first, and I had no idea what I wanted to say. Finally I formed my first, most pressing, thought into words and spoke it. "What are you doing here?" Oh that was really good Stef; I was smacking myself mentally again. But he only smiled and proceeded to answer the question that I had intended to ask.

"Five days ago we gated into Forst Reach," he replied easily; his voice was strong, knowledgeable. "After a short rest, we decided to come meet you."

"But how…" I began, but was anticipated.

"Three days previous to that I… received a… communication to the effect that you were looking for me, and that _when_ you found me I was to tell you everything you wanted to know." His smile was sardonic, and I got the impression he was laughing at himself. "So I figured there was no longer any sense in avoiding you."

Another voice chuckled softly from the growing shadows under the trees. "Poor _ashke_. You never wanted to tell him." Like a ghost, a figure draped in white emerged from the trees. I blinked. No, not a ghost; just a man with long white hair, a white bird on each shoulder, and the largest owl I had ever seen held on his arm in front of him. "Where is Brightstar, so I can be rid of this monstrosity?" he pretended to toss the owl away playfully, but the great bird hooted derisively and, throwing Starwind a withering look, took to its wings to look for its bondmate.

"Brightstar took the lady," Moondance began, then glanced at me.

"Amnet," I supplied.

"Took Lady Amnet," he found something about that humorous, "that way," and he gestured the owl in the right direction. On soundless wings, it departed. One of the two smaller raptors leapt from Starwind's shoulder and glided the short distance to Moondance's upheld arm, where it settled, chirruping softly at the mage. He smiled at the bird; they seemed to have a short conversation then it flew up to perch in the branches of a tree overhead.

Starwind glanced at both of us, his eyes meeting mine. "You have much to discuss," he said, echoing Brightstar. "I will be nearby if you have need of me, to make clearer anything this cryptic says." Moondance shot him an annoyed glance, but Starwind only smiled and slipped back into the trees.

"Now that we're free of any more interruptions," Moondance drew my attention back to himself and the small circle of light and warmth that was the fire. "Start at the beginning and tell me everything you know. Then we'll see what to make of that, and after that I will tell you everything that I know." I shivered at the implications of that statement. "And then we will see what to make out of all of that."

Obediently, hopefully, I opened my mouth and started at the beginning.

-O-


	2. In which Moondance listens patiently

I'm not really queen of Valdemar. And I don't own it... Not really. Amnet is the name of my fish. As to who Amnet really is... that will be answered later, if you haven't already guessed. Feel free to guess! Though, it's not who you might think... Anyway, Thanks to everybody who reviewed the first chapter! And on to this one...

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**_"Sorry kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.... your next life maybe, who knows. That's the way these things go." -- __The Matrix  
"And now I'm serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime." -- Indigo Girls, "Galileo"  
_**

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Well, maybe not at the beginning. The beginning... was a hard place to start. Too hard at the moment; maybe there was someplace easier. Ah, yes...

"I... I've been having dreams." This was probably the easiest one, one that had actually felt like a _dream_. "I dreamed that when Van died I went looking for him. I went to the next world to bring him back because I couldn't live without him. I went to the Shadow-lover, to Death, to where he lives in his world, his castle. A great dog was at the gate and barred my way, but I lulled it to sleep with a song and then I went inside. Inside, there were people everywhere who promised me anything if I would just stay with them, but they were dead souls, all of them- I could see right through them. Finally, I came to Death and I asked him to give my Vanyel back. He laughed, but I wouldn't leave, so he told me that if I accomplished something I could take Van back with me. If I couldn't do it, I would lose him forever. He said I had to go up out of his kingdom without looking back. Van would be right behind me, but I couldn't look back at him until we got back to the world of the living. I thought I could do that, so I said that was all right. And I did it; we were there at the border of the worlds." I really had thought we had made it. "But when I reached back to pull him out into the sunshine... I guess we hadn't made it yet, because he smiled at me a little sadly and just vanished." I stared at nothing for a long while before I pulled myself out of the spell of the dream.

Well, that hadn't been so bad. Maybe I could do this. Maybe I could make it through in one piece... Moondance regarded me with unreadable eyes, and I knew that he knew I wasn't telling him even half of what had driven me here. I sighed. Well, I was just going to have to do it. Reliving those memories was something I would rather not do; in fact, I would rather attempt to walk alone and without protection into Karse. But... curse it, it was something I had to do. "That wasn't the first dream. It came later. The first..." I took a deep breath and tried not to think.

"The first dream I had, I dreamed I…" I blushed slightly, and as I continued my voice was nostalgic. "I dreamed it was the first night I… spent with… Van. We were in his room at Forst Reach and it was storming, just like that night, but it was wrong." I frowned as even the memory of the dream filled me with an unwarranted horror. "The room changed, it was no place I'd ever seen before, and then Van… changed. He was… _younger_," was the only way I could explain it. "And I… I wasn't me." I was shivering, but I kept talking. "Van woke up and looked at me, and he said, 'What's wrong _ashke_?' and I told him that I wasn't me, but it wasn't my voice. And then…" I took a deep breath. "I don't… I don't know exactly what happened, but suddenly I wasn't me anymore." No, that didn't make sense; I focused on breathing and tried to stop shaking. "The me that I thought I was but it wasn't me, he… _pushed_, and then it was like I wasn't in me anymore. I just kind of… floated away, and I heard him say, 'Oh, that's better,' and Van just _laughed_, and I…" There were tears running down my face by then and I'm pretty sure my voice broke on the next sentence, but I was too far gone to care. "He said, 'Yes, that's much better 'Lendel-_ashke_,' and he kissed him but it wasn't that, I could _feel_ them together, like… like… And he just pushed me away…"

I started hiccupping and I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my wet face against them. I felt like such a child. A touch on my shoulder startled me; caught up in the memory, I had forgotten that I even had an audience. Moondance's face showed how deeply he empathized with my pain; he pulled me toward him in a comforting embrace, and I did not resist. I don't know how long we sat there but it was full dark by the time I came back to myself; I cried as he rocked me softly, not trying to shush me or deny what I had experienced but assuring me with just his presence that I was _not_ alone. I snuffled one last time and looked up at him. Before I could say anything, he spoke. "Before you continue I will tell you that this dream, as well as the ones that immediately followed, we sent to you by a malicious spirit and are in no way the product of your own mind or are in any way based in fact." I breathed deeply, the very air around him like a balm for my soul. I sat up and, meeting his eyes, I nodded. He returned the gesture, and, though he looked like he wanted to say something else, he said only, "Go on."

"I dreamed that, or something very like it, for the next several nights," I said, though he seemed to already know that, "and then for about a fortnight I couldn't remember what I dreamed." I frowned slightly; that had been a mixed blessing because, while the horror that had filled me after that first dream no longer woke me in the middle of the night, I still worried that I had been dreaming the same dream- or something worse- and I just couldn't remember it. This worry did it's part, and while I didn't wake up screaming there were still times I couldn't get to sleep for thinking. "But after that... I dreamed something different, though in a way it was the same thing." Previously, this had been one of the hardest things to try to explain to people.

"I dreamed again that I wasn't me, and Van was younger, and we were in that room… but it was… nice." My brows furrowed in concentration as I searched for a way to explain it in words. "It was a little different; I mean the exact conversation was different. They didn't… talk about getting rid of me. I was just there, and it was like I was…" I couldn't say his name, "but also like I wasn't. Mostly it was different because… It just _felt_ different." I looked at Moondance to see if he understood me, but before he could say anything I added, wistfully, "It felt… happy. They were so happy."

He nodded, and decided to add something. "The reason it felt different is that the dreams were sent by different sources. This was… a true dream; a memory actually." Again, he looked like he wanted to say more, but he seemed to be waiting for something. I thought I might know what it was; and really his words so far were no surprise. But oh, it felt so good to hear him say them!

"The… the next dream was…" I decided to drop any sort of preamble; there really was no way to clarify this next one. "I dreamed I was in a part of Companion's Field, a sort of little clearing with some pine trees growing there. Van always liked going there, and I knew that's where I was even though I've never seen it look the way it did. In my dream, it was a grove full of huge pine trees. I walked into it and… there was a man there…" Why prevaricate? I knew who it was. I took a deep breath. "Tylendel. Tylendel was there. And he was waiting for me.

"He looked… older than I imagined him being, and he was wearing Whites. He… he smiled at me and said, 'What took you so long?' But his eyes were sad, and then he said, 'I'm sorry.' I… I couldn't say anything, but he kept going, and he said, 'It's all my fault you know.' He turned away slightly and wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the ground. 'Why you'…" I faltered, but took a deep breath and continued. "'Why you don't remember your family. It's because of Staven, because I was too close to him. Why you were raised on the streets, so you'd grow up faster, be old for your age.' When I didn't respond, he started going faster, like he was trying to get it all out before he stopped himself." I could relate to that. "He said, 'That's why your gift was so specific, to bring you to the king's attention 'cause _They_ wouldn't let you be a Herald, not after what I did. It was why Medren was your roommate when it could have been anyone, why you were so damn stubborn when it came to… him.'

"He… he wouldn't say Van's name." I whispered. "I was grateful for that at the time. I didn't think I could take it. And after he told me all of that he just stood there, waiting… for something, at any rate. But all I could do was look at him. So I did. He…" I wet my lips and ran my hand through my hair sheepishly. "Gods he was beautiful. That sounds kind of wrong, doesn't it?" I glanced at Moondance, but he only smirked and offered no other opinion.

"Anyway, after awhile he got tired of standing there and he looked at me. I don't know what he expected me to do or say, but it obviously wasn't what I was doing. I… I asked him if he thought I would hate him for that. He said, 'I hoped not,' but he said it softly as if he didn't believe I could ever _not_ hate him. But," I looked at Moondance again, "I don't. How could I? I just wish someone had _told_ me what the hell was going on." I buried my fingers in my hair, overcome by a sudden anger. Attempting to focus back on the problem at hand, I took a deep breath and continued with my telling.

"He said he was sorry again, and I was getting kind of impatient so I asked him if he thought it was his fault or something, the way he kept apologizing. 'Yes,' he said, 'I guess it is. I didn't love him enough. If I had, I wouldn't have left him like that. I wouldn't have put him through that hell.' He seemed really angry with himself. I guess I was still mad, I snapped at him that if I had to fix his mistakes the least he could have done was either but-out completely or let me in on what was happening. I guess we both ran out of steam then. I stopped talking, and after a minute he started up again, only really quiet." It was hard, but I had tried throughout to remember Tylendel's exact words in case that made a difference. "He said, 'I wasn't enough. I couldn't be there for him.' Then he looked at me. 'Not the way you were. Thank you, for being everything I couldn't be. And... when you see him... could you tell him...' He stopped, like he couldn't say it." I glanced at Moondance. "But I knew what he wanted to say." I went back to studying the fire. "So I just said yes, yes I would tell him. And then I woke up."

I was silent for a minute. "I... think that's it." I turned hopeful eyes on Moondance. He nodded.

-O-


	3. In which many things are answered

Amnet is also the name of the Eater of Souls in Egyptian mythology, in case anybody's interested... which does not have any bearing on this story.

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**_"Reach down your hand in your pocket, pull out some hope for me." -- Matchbox Twenty, "Long Day"  
"Whatever dark the world may send, still lovers meet at journey's end." -- __Planet__ of__ Twilight_**

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Moondance was silent for awhile, looking into the fire, organizing his thoughts. "Some of what I am going to say you already know. However, I believe I will start at the beginning and go through it all, to avoid confusion. If you don't mind?"

I shook my dead in a firm denial. Mind?? He was, from the sound of it, going to explain _everything_ that had been driving me crazy. Why should I _mind_?

"As I said, the first dreams you had were sent to you by a malicious spirit. You remember Leareth?" My dark look must have been enough of an answer for him, since he didn't wait for a verbal response. "Apparently, killing Vanyel was not enough for him. He's the one who sent you the dreams."

"But... he's dead," I responded, slightly confused.

"Yes, he is." Moondance sighed, his brow furrowed with his own confusion. "But it is his taint I feel when you speak of the memory of those dreams, and the strength of the malice that surrounds them is unmistakable. I cannot explain how he found some way to strike at you after his death, but I can tell you for certain that he is the source of your pain. The days that followed, when you do not remember what you dreamed..." He trailed off. "You may not have realized it, but you have had a protector these past years. This protector has been attempting to look out for you, but has sometimes found herself... distracted. When she realized what was happening to you, she blocked the channel Leareth was using. She could not block him fully, but she kept you from experiencing what it was he was sending."

Well. That was nice of her. "Who exactly is this 'protector'?" I asked, intrigued. Moondance smirked at me.

"After this," he continued, as if not hearing my question, "You dreamed that ridiculous fairy tale. Out of all your _dreams_, this is the only one that was truly a dream. It was nothing more than your fears working with your somewhat overcreative imagination."

I blushed. Sheesh. Overcreative? "Thanks, I think."

His smile was softer now. "After this, when you had what appeared to be the same dream but it felt different? This protector of yours..." He stopped and looked at me. "You do realize what all this means?"

"Please," I shivered. "Say it for me?" Gods, I needed to hear someone say it.

He nodded. "Among the _Tayledras_ it is a commonly held belief that souls can be reborn." I closed my eyes and breathed. "Sometimes they may even cross the boundary of species, being reborn into something of similar intelligence, a _hertasi_, for example, being reborn as a human, or," he continued, seeing my incomprehension at the strange word, "a human, perhaps, reborn as a Companion."

Whoa. Hold on a minute... That thought took over my brain for a long moment.

The next thing I heard was Moondance chuckling softly. I stopped thinking faraway thoughts and refocused my eyes; I looked at him questioningly. "I was not supposed to tell you that," he said. "But I am slightly piqued, as Starwind hinted, and that is my small revenge. At any rate, let us return to what this has to do with you." I pulled myself away from the fascinating world of ideas and possibilities he had just thrown in my lap and listened. "Well, Tylendel told you himself, though I do not believe he was correct about everything. His soul was reborn in you, but do not think that that somehow diminishes anything that you are." His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, and I wondered if he had been talking to Amnet. "And he was incorrect to say that everything in your life has transpired because of the mistakes he made. The universe is not _that_ ordered, so that specific events can be arranged to punish or praise a person. Free-will makes prediction and organization of specific future events impossible."

"But he was right about..." I looked at the fire, then back at him. "What was he right about?" I asked softly.

"His own feelings of failure, for certain. His need to apologize to Vanyel." I nodded. I would take care of that. "Beyond that," Moondance shrugged. "It is hard to say. Perhaps he was correct about your upbringing, or where you were born at least. And your gift, with its specific applications. It was to bring you to the attention of your king, but not solely so that you could meet Vanyel. The king needed you there for yourself, too."

I digested this. I was important. For myself, and without Van. Without... Van. The words seemed to eat away at the inside of me, and putting them together like that just felt so _wrong_. But... I shuddered. _Without Van_. I had to live my life without him now. For... how long? Until I did what he wanted of me. What _I_ wanted to do for him. And then, after I was done... I shivered, with a strange anticipation this time.

"Amnet," I said suddenly, meeting Moondance's eyes. He raised an eyebrow at me. "She's the protector." The expression on his face gave me no indication of whether I was right or not, but he slowly began to smile and I figured that I had guessed it in one. "She... _feels_ familiar." My eyes narrowed as I stared into his. "I know her somehow... from before. When she was someone else."

The smile had spread across his face to his eyes. "Yes," He said simply. I pouted. He wasn't going to tell me who she was, and, from the way his smile had gone secretive, I had a feeling that he did know. "Don't worry _ke'chara_," he said, still smiling. "I'm sure you'll figure it out." Well, that was just great. I had come here in the first place because I wasn't altogether certain of my ability to figure things out for myself.

But he was right. As usual. There was a strength in me now, a confidence in myself that I almost could not remember losing it had left me so gradually. It had started when Van died, but it had come back to me a little when I saw him again. The confidence and a much more needed thing- _hope_. But as the enormity of what I was supposed to do wore away at me, it had slowly leeched away all of that confidence.

"You should take better care of yourself," a voice said, and since that was what I was thinking, I nodded without really thinking about it. It took me a moment to realize that Moondance was the one who had spoken. "You should go see Medren. And Jisa. You are somewhat more mobile than them, tied down as they are by affairs." I nodded again. Jisa was a busy woman; so much so, that she barely had the time to come over and see me even though she lived practically next door to me. "If you were closer to them," Moondance continued in the same vein of thought as me, "things might not have eroded to the point that they did. You might have been able to overcome this without my intervention. Not that I was loathe to see you." I almost didn't see his smile, a real, pleasant one, caught up as I was in my thoughts.

"I have been... isolating myself." I hadn't even realized it, but it was true. It had started before the dreams, but after Sorrows, I thought. I had taken to sitting in my room and staring at the wall rather than seeking human companionship. Staring at the wall and contemplating the nearly impossible task set before me. Just sitting there instead of _doing_ something about it.

"You need people." Moondance's head leaned down, supported by his hand, and his eyes were like bright stars in the shadow that suddenly fell over his face. "In order to complete your task, you need to know what people are thinking. If you cut yourself off from these people, this will make your goal as impossible as it seems."

I nodded again; I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. And quite a lot even more recently... It was very dark outside the circle of light provided by the fire, and now that my fears had been assuaged I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open.

"Thank you," I said to Moondance, wanting to say it before I truly fell asleep, and he surprised me by coming over to me and pulling me into his strong embrace.

He took my face gently in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "Healing is what I do. It was my pleasure to be able to help you, and in some way repay everything that Vanyel and Savil have done for Starwind and myself."

I looked right back into his eyes and for a moment I saw beyond their ice blue depths to a deep brown and a young boy in pain. I'm not sure exactly why I felt such a compulsion, but I followed it, and I reached up myself and took his face in my hands and kissed him. I could feel him relaxing under my hands, and as his lips parted slightly I deepened the kiss. Breaking the contact, I opened my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. He made a sound deep in the back of his throat, a sound of pain, but also a sound of healing. "Once," he whispered, "there was a boy named Tallo. Seeing your strength, he has perhaps forgiven himself at last." I had no idea what he was talking about but it didn't matter really, and I just stood there with him as he had been there for me the few hours ago that felt like a lifetime. We stood there holding each other for a long moment, remembering how to breathe.

Movement caught my eye, and Moondance and I both looked up to see the white form of Amnet moving through the darkness toward us, Starwind beside her, a hand trailing lightly over her shoulder, and Brightstar on her other side.

"Even if you have not finished talking, there is need for sleep this night." Amnet snorted her agreement to Starwind's statement.

"I think we're done," I said, looking at Moondance. He nodded. His face was turned away from the others slightly, and I could see there was a single tear on his cheek and an expression on his face as if _I_ had been the one to bring _him_ peace of mind.

"Yes, I believe we are done with our discussion." His hand came up, surreptitiously wiping at his cheek as it brushed his hair off his shoulder. He turned and smiled at Starwind, and I discovered that I had been kidding myself to think that he had _ever_ truly smiled at _me_.

Amnet came up to me. She turned her head and looked at me with one large, liquid eye. Whickering softly, she pushed her head against my chest. _:You look better.:_

"Thanks," I mumbled back, stroking her ears. I started to say something else, but it dissolved into a yawn. Amnet whinnied her laughter at me, then lay down beside the fire, like a big dog, carefully arranging herself.

_:Come here,:_ she said. Now, I have never been one to argue with a Companion. At least not when I was this tired. I sat beside her, leaning back against the warmth of her shoulder. I barely heard her next words, _:Come along the rest of you lot too,:_ before I slipped into the sweetest sleep I had had in a very, very long time.

-o-

I woke feeling warm, and _comfortable_ despite the crick in my neck, for the first time in years. It seemed lately that no matter how hot it was in my room, I was always cold. But then, I _had_ been sleeping alone these past few years. Not so this night.

Amnet's warm shoulder was still under my cheek and my hand was stretched up and twisted in her mane. There was an arm thrown around my waist, and underneath my body, in the space between myself and Amnet, my other hand and that of the mystery person's were twined together. The owner of the hands was breathing on my neck, and as I blinked myself awake and turned to look at him he also awakened.

Brightstar smiled at me fuzzily, still sleep muddled. I smiled back. Looking over his shoulder, I could see Starwind still asleep; his head was thrown back against Amnet's abdomen, his hair flowing over her back. Moondance was wrapped in his arms, his own head pillowed against Starwind's chest and his hand reached out to touch his son's shoulder. Brightstar was the first to break the contact of our little group; he stood and stepped away to get room to stretch. Turning, he looked at the still sleeping couple and smiled down at them fondly. Amnet snorted and a shiver ran down her entire body. Starwind's eyes opened as his "pillow" moved; the minute he woke, he was fully awake with an air of calm readiness about him. I did not envy him the experiences that it must have taken for him to have that kind of reaction. His arms tightened around his lover, almost unconsciously, and Moondance's eyes opened. He winked at me, and I got the feeling that he had been awake for awhile but had not wanted to disturb the feeling of togetherness that still hung in shreds around all of us. I smiled. It was a good feeling. One I had not had much of lately, and that was only my own fault. Just because I couldn't have what my heart wanted most didn't mean I had to deny it _every_ comfort.

_:You silly, sleepy humans,:_ Amnet scolded us affectionately. _:If I hadn't wakened you, you would have slept there all day.:_

"And what's wrong with that?" Moondance asked with a mumble as he buried his face in Starwind's chest.

She snorted and flicked him with her tail. That was her only warning as she stood, sending the pair sprawling. _:You're making my leg fall asleep,:_ she said, shooting him a dark look. Brightstar laughed at them, and I couldn't help but join in. It felt good to laugh.

Amnet looked at me, her ears pricked forward. _:Breakfast,:_ she said significantly. _:If we go now, we can make it to Forst Reach in time for some.:_

"The other option being make it ourselves," Brightstar put in, a doubtful expression on his face.

"Hmm," I said. Amnet drooped slightly and sighed. My unwillingness to go anywhere that reminded me of Van had been something of a friction point on our journey, and my stubbornness on the subject had caused her to loose her temper with me at one point. However, the reason for that stubbornness had passed, and actually I was eager to go there and see Medren. But that didn't mean I couldn't tease Amnet about it a little. "I was thinking we," I indicated myself and Amnet, "would start back for Haven. It's a long enough trip without stopping for breakfast."

Amnet drooped further, but then she turned her head and pierced me with one eye. Her ears went back flat against her head when she caught my unsuccessfully suppressed smile. _:That was not funny.:_ Suddenly, her ears twisted forward again as she realized something. _:Stef, was that a joke?:_ She butted me with her head, her mind-voice colored with happiness and relief. _:Well, I thought you had forgotten how. Will wonders never cease!:_

I smiled again, the expression came more easily now I thought, and rubbed her ears. In good humor everyone in the group gathered their things, and together we set off in search of breakfast.

-o-

Forst Reach looked the same as it always had- with people crawling _everywhere_. Medren must has seen us coming, and he obviously was not over the border entertaining Tashir's court, because he was waiting on the path for us. As soon as I came around the bend and we caught sight of each other, he came running toward me. Catching me up in a hug that knocked all the breath from me, he just as quickly pulled me away to arms length and looked at me intently.

I smiled at him, before he could ask me anything, and said, "Hello Medren. I was... ah, in the neighborhood and decided to drop by."

He looked like he thought there was quite a lot more that needed to be said about that, but he nodded, accepting my words. "Come inside," he said, nodding at the others.

Moondance smiled. "If Lord Withen is available we will take our leave of him and return to our home. After breakfast of course," he added at Brightstar's pointed look.

"Of course," Medren returned the smile. "Withen is in his study; I'll show you the way."

Moondance nodded, and, meeting my eyes, he took my shoulders in his strong grip and embraced me one last time. Starwind touched me on the shoulder and Brightstar winked at me. "Thank you," I told them all, but they only smiled.

Medren and I left the trio with Withen and went out to the back porch. We sat for awhile, before I began to speak.

"I'm sorry. I've been... acting very selfish lately. And that brought about some... circumstances... that could have been prevented." I looked at him. "You've always been a good friend to me, Medren. I'm sorry if I haven't been returning the favor lately."

"Gods, Stef..." He hugged me again, impulsively. "I've been so worried about you! Everybody thought you were going crazy, and I knew it couldn't be easy for you, with... well... and gods, I've just been so worried..." He was rambling now, but I let him go and just listened to him voice as we sat in the growing day. I sat in the shadow of the porch, watching the sunlight fall through the lattice and leaves.

When he ran out of things to repeat, I said softly, "Medren?"

"Yeah?" He turned to me eagerly.

"Don't let me be stupid like that again."

He chuckled. "Well, I'll do my best, but knowing you that's a tall order to fill."

I laughed as well. "True. But I'm planning on employing a few other people to help you out with the task." I frowned. "Medren?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think about magic?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I have this... 'project' I guess you could call it, and I could use your help on it..."

---


	4. And now Amnet tells what really happened

Amnet speaks! Yes, Gala is the obvious candidate- which is why Amnet is _not_ Gala. You can take a minute here to go back and reformulate your guess if you want. Or you can read below, and stop having to guess! I used the plural pronoun for the "divine presence" because none of the singular ones fit. And I guess there's a minor spoiler for, um, I think it's _Winds of Fury_? But it's the kind of thing you probably won't notice if you don't already know... I apologize for this chapter being less polished than previous ones- I'm going out of town and I wanted to get it posted before I left; I may do further editing next year some time... So anyway, this has been a very enjoyable fic to write- I hope you enjoyed reading it! And a big thanks to everybody who reviewed! Your words are greatly appreciated.

* * *

_**"And maybe I'll find out a way to make it back someday, to watch you, to guard you, through the darkest of your days." -- The Calling, "Wherever You Will Go"  
"Now that we are together again and in perfect confidence with one another, I do not doubt we can deal expeditiously with the remaining difficulties." -- Lord of the Silent**_

-  
-4-  
-

Well as soon as I got on the scene, I must tell you, heads were rolling. Not in any literal, disgusting way, but you can bet that I was pissed, and you can bet I told _Them_ all about it. _Their_ management of the situation was worse than terrible. Just because _They're_ "godly" didn't save them from my tongue, which I've heard can give quite a lashing. I've always been rather proud of that attribute of mine.

Just thinking... my 'Lendel, there under my nose the whole time… I never had a clue. Not till Starwind and Moondance told me. I can tell you I was somewhat flabbergasted; after I decided to believe them. I can't imagine how Van feels about the whole thing, but I can tell you that I let _Them_ have an earful and not just about that.

When I heard about Lereath, about who he _really_ was, I started seeing red again for awhile. To think _They_ left such a loose end unresolved!! But after other colors started to come back into my spectrum, I realized it was our problem to deal with. Ah, "us" being mortal creatures of the living world. So, despite being tired and more than ready for a rest, I had them send me right back in; the war waits for no one. And that's how the person known in another life as Herald-Mage Savil Ashkevron came to possess four legs that were far longer than they should have been, a wisp of a tail that wasn't quite long enough, and a high pitched whinny that all soon learned to live in fear of. Thankfully, the awkwardness of childhood only lasted a short time; one of the benefits of being a member of a superior quasi-equine species. It wasn't long before I grew into a graceful adult Companion and my natural beauty shone out. Not that I was vain or anything… Kellen is laughing at me. Well, all right, have you ever met a Companion that _wasn't_ vain?? Hmph.

Of course it had occurred to me that Lereath, or whatever he was calling himself now, would come after Stef. What do you think I was doing there? And of course I had my eyes peeled and was fully prepared on all fronts.

Okay, maybe not so much with that last one. Life in the Field was actually somewhat… boring. So I kind of stopped paying as much attention to the humans as I should have been… But when I found out about Stef's dreams I couldn't see straight I was so mad, and mostly mad at myself. A _week_. That spawn of hell had been torturing Stefen in his dreams for an entire _week_ and I hadn't even noticed. And he was using my 'Lendel to do it!! Incensed only covered the tip of it, and I threw my protections around poor Stef as fast as I could, giving me some time until I figured out how to block the dreams completely.

Surprise, surprise, but _They_ actually decided to step up and help out. Well, will wonders never cease. We tried to get Stef straightened out as best we could, but the poor boy still thought he was crazy- and, worse, that Vanyel hadn't really loved him. Oh he didn't _really_ think that, but doubt is a powerful thing. That's why humans have each other, so that we can tell other people that they're loved and they are not losing their mind. Poor boy had cut himself off from that though. So one day, when he was walking and deep in thought, I _nudged_ him. Just a little mental shove in the right direction; he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even notice. Good thing; I'm not really supposed to be doing stuff like that. But if that's what it took to help him, then that's what I was going to do. I let him figure it out by himself pretty much, just helping him when he got stuck, and the boy surprised me a great deal by thinking of Moondance. Well, I suppose I planted the idea. I, with some help from _Them_, had been feeding him _good_ dreams, memories of Van and of him and Van together, and of course that had included all the time Van and I had spent in k'Treva Vale. But that Moondance could help with the current situation had never crossed my mind. Give the boy props for ingenuity! And I _was_ wondering how that old rogue Starwind was getting along… Well, I couldn't just let the boy go wandering off by himself now could I?

-o-

Stef really was a mess, his thoughts so twisted in on themselves that thinking in anything resembling a straight line was beyond possibility. Having failed to convince him to stop by Forst Reach and shorten our trip considerably, I was plotting how to do so anyway _despite_ objections and wishes to the contrary, when I found that certain people listened better than I thought they did.

I dropped Stef off with Moondance. Stef seemed drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Moondance looked at me, his eyes sparkling with a suppressed smile.

_:Hello Savil.:_

_:Hello yourself. I never thought you'd come to meet us! This is indeed quite a surprise, and one I am not loathe to encounter.: _I turned to go with Brightstar. _:Take care of him, _ke'chara_,:_ I said over my shoulder to Moondance as I left.

_:I will.: _He hesitated. _:It is good to see you again, sister.:_

I sent him back a mental hug._ :You too, you imp.:_

I went with Brightstar, and he removed my tack and brushed me with light but expert hands. I reached out to him tentatively, and was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting for me.

_:Hello, Wingsister. I had not expected to see you again. Not ever, and especially not like this!:_ His mind voice was colored with the same pleasure and relief that had marked my conversation with Moondance, though when I had first contacted Moondance to let him know Stef and I were on the way, it had been more like pleasure and disbelief.

_:Well, I had not expected to see you either. Not _here_!:_ I butted him with my head, and he stroked my neck. _:You look well, little feather. Keeping the girls on their toes, hmm?:_

"Why Wingsister, I don't know what you mean," he said aloud with a mischievous grin.

A motion in the trees caught my eye, and a chuckle behind Brightstar made us both turn. The movement was his bondbird, coming toward us on soundless wings. The laughter was from Starwind who slipped like a ghost out from between the trees. My eyes were drawn to him and my whole body trembled with the desire to embrace him. _:Hello,:_ I managed, but found myself somewhat mentally tongue-tied. Starwind rescued me from having to think any further.

"Ay, Savil..." One more step and he threw his arms around my neck and hid his face in my silky mane. I whickered softly and leaned into him; almost all I could do physically, but in my mind I threw my arms around him and held him as close as I could.

"I felt..." he began, but the sentence was one neither of us really wanted to complete.

_:Yes,:_ I said. _:He caught me... all of us, when we were busy thinking about other things. And I was so tired...:_ I rested my chin on his shoulder and sighed.

"But no rest for the duty-called, hmm?" he teased lightly, stroking my ears. "How is it that he..." he began again, but stopped before he could finish.

_:Sorry.:_ He knew I couldn't, _wouldn't_, tell him what I knew. _:We- and by 'we' I mean everybody, not just Valdemar- aren't ready for him now. Lereath's secrets will have to wait for another time.:_ I shook my mane and stamped my foot; oh, how I'd _love_ to have that slimy little worm here right now... But that we just weren't ready was one thing everybody seemed to agree on. Everybody in this case being me, the other Companions, and anyone I could get my hands on while I was... elsewhere. _:And even then, you'd have to figure it out for yourself.:_ Tossing my head, I looked at him sideways.

He smiled and shook his head. "What! You, following the rules? Now that's a revolutionary concept." I snorted. It sounded more impressive now than it ever had when I was human.

"Ay Savil," he said again and leaned against my shoulder.

I moved away, over to a comfortable looking spot, and lay down. _:Here, this should be better.:_ He smiled and came over to sit beside me. We talked, for a long time, and it was only when Brightstar rejoined us that I realized he had left us to have our reunion in private. Touched, I expressed my wordless thanks and Starwind smiled at his son. The three of us continued talking well into the night, until our eyes no longer focused and neither mouths nor minds seemed capable of forming coherent words. At that point, we thought it would be safe to interrupt Moondance and Stef.

Stef really looked better than I could remember him being in a long while; relaxed and.... confident. More sure of himself. I was happy. Not only had we accomplished what we set out to do, namely give Stef peace of mind, but it meant that Lereath hadn't won. And in that future when Lereath's dark secrets would be revealed, Stef and the work he would now do would be there to fight with all of the strength I knew he had within him.

-o-

I had never experienced Forst Reach from the stable before. It was... interesting to say the least. And saying the least might be best. Not that it was bad. Far from it; my brother had come very far from his young, hidebound days and knew how to provide for Companions now. Not that I was interested in telling him that... though the idea, and the mental picture it supplied me with, was very, very tempting. But for anyone in Valdemar to know this particular of a Companion's secrets would be unthinkable.

Ha.

I was just falling asleep when I heard someone enter the stable. Someone who was not used to moving around in a stable in the dark and made quite a bit of noise. I tensed in alarm and reached out toward the main house for Stefen, but failed to find him there. Worried now, I raised my nose to see if I could identify the intruder, and relaxed completely when I did.

Finding my stall, Stef slipped inside and sat with his back against the door. I stepped over to him. Something must be wrong, but I couldn't think what it could be. He had seemed all right after talking with Moondance, and he had looked fine all day with Medren. What had upset him? I reached out tentatively with my mind, but he spoke, and the word that he spoke made me freeze.

"Savil."

I stood there frozen for a long moment, all my frantic thoughts chasing themselves into ever shrinking circles. _:What about her?:_ I managed, finally.

He raised his eyes, and they glowed with lambent light in the semi darkness. "It's you, Savil."

I took a deep mental breath and prepared to deny, but with a sigh I admitted defeat. _:Well boy, you're too smart for me.:_

"I didn't..." he began, but switched in the middle of his sentence to, "Moondance told me..."

_:WHAT?!:_ My head shot up and my nostrils flared as I sucked in air.

"No! Not that, not really." He held out his arms placatingly. "He said somebody was watching out for me. I guessed it was you; well, Amnet. You felt... familiar to me. In my head." He frowned a little then, and I could just stand there staring at him. "But the reason you feel familiar in my head isn't because I know you. It's because of Tylendel. Because you would talk to him in his head." He was staring off into the distance then, and with a whimper I lay down with my head in his lap.

_:Oh 'Lendel...:_ I sighed, and turned my head a little so I could look up at him with one eye. _:Stef,:_ I said, and he seemed slightly surprised to hear his name. _:Yes, Stef. I'm Savil. Just like you're 'Lendel, though I remember a bit more than you did. Stef, this is important. You can't...: _I stopped. What could I offer or threaten him with that would keep such a secret bound inside a bard? _:Moondance should not have told you.:_

"He didn't really; I guessed it." His voice was defensive on Moondance's behalf, but then he said softly, "Savil, who is Tallo?"

I raised my head; opening your eyes wide in surprise has something of a different effect when they're so very large and so very blue._ :Where did you hear that name?:_

"Moondance mentioned him. He said that having seen my strength, Tallo could forgive himself at last. What did he mean?"

I thought about that for a moment. _Oh,_ ke'chara_. You still feel so bad?_ I turned to Stef. _:Tallo is... he was a boy who was cast out of his village and killed his lover accidentally. He was taken in by the Tayledras, and changed his name to Moondance.:_ His own eyes widened in surprise- well, at least I wasn't the only one this night- and his expression went thoughtful. I gave him a few moments to think, then snorted. _:And don't think I didn't notice that little opportunity at revenge you just gave me, boy.:_ Stef smiled sheepishly.

"Savil?" he said softly. "If..." He turned away a little and looked at the stars visible through the open door that lead out to the pasture. "If it's too much trouble that I know your secret," he took a deep breath. "And if there's a way, could you... make me forget it?"

My head shot up again; okay, so he was far better at surprising me than I him. _:What?:_ I asked carefully. _:You want to forget everything?:_

"No!" he corrected hastily. "Just the part about the Companions being... people. If you can." He turned frightened but trusting eyes on me. "Unless... if there's something else I know that I shouldn't..."

_:Oh Stef...:_ I couldn't do anything but stare at him for awhile. _:Yes,:_ I managed finally. _:Yes I can do that. And I can give you something better.:_ He looked relieved at my first statement and questioning at the second. _:You... Would you want to know more about 'Lendel?:_ His eyes flew wide; one more for me! _:His memories are inside of you, locked somewhere. I can unlock them for you.:_ He sat back against the door behind him and thought about that. _:It would be like the dreams. The ones_ They _sent you, after we got rid of Lereath.:_

"I... I _do_ want," his voice was strong with longing. "I want to know everything about Van. About how he was before. And... I know Tylendel didn't have an easy life, but I want to know... I want to see _everything_ that made him who he was." His eyes were lambent again, with that strange light, and all I could do was shower him with my approval.

He smiled at me. "Thank you, Savil. Before I forget, thank you." I hugged him mentally, and he stood up to go back to the house. Hesitating a moment, he turned to me. "What do I have to do?"

_:Just go back and go to sleep. I'll take care of it.: _He nodded, his eyelids already drooping. _Oh Stef,_ I thought to myself. I closed my eyes and my mind followed him back to the house. Already drowsy, he slipped into bed and I began my work. As he drifted off to sleep, I tip-toed my way gently through his mind, erasing something here, just smudging something there; unlocking a door there, throwing open wide one over here...

Finished, I prepared for sleep myself. Before the soft oblivion took me, I felt something, like a nod of approval and thanks, brush against me, and I knew Van was checking in on us. I sent back a pulse of love, but I couldn't be sure he felt me; I'd never communicated with a forest before. But I knew, with one hoof cocked and my muscles relaxing with the strangeness that had become so familiar of sleeping standing up, that everything was going to be all right. Well, as all right as I could make it, and that meant it was pretty good indeed.

---


End file.
